Deschooling:
10 Tips on Transitioning from
Traditional School to
Homeschool
For those of you who have removed your children from traditional school to educate them at home, you are not alone. I, too, did the same thing and, let me tell you, it was NOT easy.
But it was the RIGHT thing for our family.
“Deschooling” is basically the transition period a new homeschooling family needs to change their mindset from traditional school to home education. Therefore, the following are some deschooling tips I learned when I first started homeschooling a few years back. I pray they are helpful as you embark on this new journey with your family.
1. Ask God for Wisdom
I recognize that we all may not share the same faith but as a God-fearing woman, I cannot do anything right if it’s not centered in God first. I’ve tried it over and over again. It just doesn‘t work for me. He truly has to be part of the entire equation and it starts with asking for wisdom.
“Through wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
By knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.”
Proverbs 24:3-6
"If you need wisdom,
ask our generous God,
and He will give it to you.
He will not rebuke you for asking."
James 1:5
Ask the Lord for direction for your homeschool and He will guide you in what’s right for your family.
2. Create a Vision for Your Homeschool
Every family is unique in every sense of the word. Knowing the vision for your family will lead you in the right direction, such as the philosophy, resources or community that’s just right for them.
That’s exactly what my husband and I did. We thought about who our daughter is as a person, not just with academics. We focused on the whole child: Mind, Body & Soul.
Before pulling her out of 1st grade, our girl had already proven to do well academically. But WHERE she FLOURISHED was in the arts. Her artistic abilities were evident from a young age.
Of course, we wanted her to continue prospering academically, but we also wanted her to grow in the arts, athletics (she loves gymnastics) and foreign language. She needed creative outlets and to be outdoors, learning in nature.
And then we thought of our non-negotiables. First and foremost, we wanted the Word of God to permeate her heart and soul so the Bible had to be the leading book in her instruction. There was no question about that. I also wanted to teach through literature and not a curriculum or textbook.
Since our family is of Puerto Rican descent, we also wanted to make sure our daughter learned about our heritage history alongside the rest of American history.
As a result, we agreed we wanted our child’s education to be:
- Bible-centered
- Literature-based
- Multicultural
- Hands-on
- Outdoors
- Incorporating the Arts
- Integrating Spanish instruction
- Inclusive of our heritage history
That’s just some of the vision for our homeschool. Yours will be different. If you have multiple children, the vision may differ for each one of them.
The point is that you take that time as a family to pray and figure out what your homeschool vision is. Then, when those times come when you question what or why you’re doing something (and those times WILL come), you can go back to your vision and see where you might have strayed from or how you’re exactly where you should be.
Click here for a wonderful vision resource that my lovely Brazilian friends, Simone and Mariana, created and kindly translated to English so I could share with you here.
3. Recognize Learning Can Happen Anywhere
Our society has trained us to believe education can only happen in school with a trained professional using a textbook or online schooling. This is false. Learning can happen anywhere and at any time.
In our homeschool, we use Charlotte Mason’s Philosophy of Education. Miss Mason was a British educator who believed in educating the whole child, not just their minds, with a wide and liberal curriculum. Part of this vast curriculum was Nature Study.
If you’re a Charlotte Mason (CM) newbie, you’ll eventually learn many fun and effective ways to do Nature Study.
But for now, just go outside and take nature walks in your neighborhood. If you live in the city and think you don’t have options, read both of my Urban Nature Series: “Finding Beauty Amidst Concrete” and “Tales of Urban Nature” for ideas. Drive to a nature preserve. Discover the beauty of nature that often goes unnoticed with the rush of life.
Let your kids tell you about their findings. Bring home nature treasures to observe later. Have them paint what they remember in a nature notebook. (Watercolors are so much fun to use for nature journaling.) Let them connect and learn firsthand from careful observation.
If your children want to learn more about a particular topic, you can find books in your library or purchase them online. (If you’re interested in bird watching, my daughter and I created an Urban Bird Study Guide titled “Feathered Friends of the City” that you can find on the shop.)
That’s meaningful, hands on learning that can happen anywhere.
4. Give AND Receive Grace
Understand there must be a grace period during your transition. Let me clarify. There should ALWAYS be grace given and received. However, it’s easy to have the expectation that since your child was traditionally schooled, they should fall into a similar routine at home, right?
Not necessarily. As every family is different, so is every child and there’s no way to really know what to expect.
Grace for Your Student
For many of your kids, you have never been their school teacher before so it will take time for some kids to view you as “educator”. I get that we were their first teachers, but they don’t get that and here lies the problem.
Your children need time to be deschooled and let go of their definition of “teacher”.
Your children also need an adjustment period. For those who enjoyed their traditional schooling, they will miss their school teachers and classmates. They will miss the whole “school vibe” and their reactions to that may be unpredictable. They may feel sad or resentful. For those whose experience was less enjoyable, and even traumatic, there will be a time of healing. They, too, may have feelings of sadness or resentment.
Regardless of the situation, your student needs time to get used to their new “classroom” setting.
Grace for Mom (& Dad) Too
But this grace needs to go both ways. It’s okay to ask your children for grace when you make a mistake or are unsure of what you’re doing or are just having an “off” day. Let them know that you’re learning with them because we should all be lifetime learners, even traditional teachers. Mama needs grace too and it’s perfectly fine to ask for it. If not, how else will our kids know to give grace when many are accustomed to “SUPERMOM”?
You need to extend grace to your children and vice versa. However, you need to extend grace to yourself as well. You may feel like you have to be SUPERMOM, but there’s no such thing. There’s only an imperfect mama doing the best she can for her beloved child. Give yourself the space to make mistakes and learn from them. (The same applies for you new homeschooling dads. NO ONE can do it all.)
Accept You are More Than Qualified
I want to encourage those of you who may feel insecure because you have never been a professional educator before homeschooling.
I was a trained classroom teacher for 12 years. Then God called me to homeschool my child. The truth is, He had wanted me to homeschool my daughter from the beginning and I didn’t listen to my husband when he shared his heart about it. By the time I pulled her out of public school, she had been in a traditional school setting for 3 years.
Let me show you our school picture from 2nd grade when we first started homeschooling:
How cute is my girl, with her missing teeth, pink glasses and holding a book in her hands?! You would think our homeschool days were just as sweet as my beautiful, little girl here. Moreover, I was already a school teacher.
How difficult could this really be?
Well, let me show you what was REALLY happening behind the scenes:
I’m not even exaggerating when I say I had taught hundreds of kids during my time as a teacher AND I was able to successfully manage classes of over 30 students BUT I couldn’t get this cute, little girl to stop doing cartwheels and listen during our lessons!!
Although I had been her first educator, she separated mom from teacher the moment she entered her school doors. There were also other factors that played a role in the chaos. The biggest one was that we had just spent the past 3 years arguing over homework. Her school, though a wonderful place, gave excessive amounts of homework so I had become the Homework Police at home and she was the reluctant student. As a result, our relationship needed time to heal before moving full force into homeschooling.
I share this story to show that me being a trained teacher didn’t really make a difference here. I had to start from scratch by “deschooling”. In other words, I had to change my traditional thinking of education. I had to take time that first year to transition and heal our relationship.
YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. Even if you don’t have a degree or you were never a teacher, you are EXACTLY what your child needs.
As a matter of fact, you are MORE THAN QUALIFIED to instruct your child.
From the beginning of time, the parent was the primary educator, instructed in the Bible to teach and to train their children.
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children,
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,
and when you walk by the way,
and when you lie down,
and when you rise.”
Deuteronomy 6:6–7
“Train up a child in the way he should go;
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
No one, and I mean NO ONE, loves your child more than you do. And no one knows your child better than you.
It is a Godly calling to teach our children, and only you can do it.
“Fathers and mothers, this is your work, and you only can do it. It rests with you, parents of young children, to be the saviours of society unto a thousand generations. Nothing else matters. The avocations about which people weary themselves are as foolish child’s play compared with this one serious business of bringing up our children in advance of ourselves” (Charlotte Mason summarizing the teaching of Rousseau, Vol 2).
Being your child’s teacher is your rightful place. You are their primary educator. Everyone else is secondary (yes, even your child’s former professional teachers).
The following article may help you understand even better your place as primary educator: “Call to Parents“.
6. Know Your Child
I said above, no one knows your child the way you do. However, some parents may not know their child as a student.
Type of Learner
For example, how does your child learn best? Are they more of a hands-on learner? Do they learn better when they’re physically active or do they prefer to calmly read a book? Are they stronger in math but not history? Do they love science but drag their feet in reading?
It’s important to know what kind of learner your child is so you can individualize their instruction. Does that mean you never have the active child calmly read a book for a lesson? Of course not. But knowing they learn best through physical activity makes you intentional in your planning. For instance, you may have your active child make movements as they narrate a book to you to keep them focused.
A book that might be helpful to discover what kind of learner they are is one I recommend on my “Multicultural Book of the Month” section titled “How We Are Smart” by W. Nikola-Lisa. This beautifully illustrated book focuses on Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences, which states there are 8 ways to be smart, including music, art, and dance. I’ve also used this survey for former students as well as for my daughter to figure out what kind of “smart” she is.
And don’t be fearful if the way your child learns is completely different from you, like if your child loves math, which might happen to be your most dreaded subject. Remember, you’re praying for wisdom and direction so God will not abandon you. He will provide and equip you to guide your student in the areas you may be less knowledgeable in.
I love the African Proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child” because of its truth. There may be family members who can help like dad or grandparents. Maybe you have friends or neighbors who are willing to aid your student.
My husband helps my daughter with guitar lessons and for any major projects, like creating an Egyptian pyramid or a realistic Solar System mobile, I call on my daughter’s godmother, who is always up for the challenge. She also teachers my girl to sew along with other handicrafts. I have another dear friend who teaches my daughter a class on government.
I may be my daughter’s teacher. But I don’t have to be the only influence in her life. God has surrounded us with amazing people who love our daughter and pour into her. They make her better. They make me better.
If no one you know is able to help, then maybe a tutor can be of assistance to your child.
The point is you’re not alone, even when it feels like it. Think outside of the box, be resourceful and find your village to help you when needed.
Love Language
Another area that can help you better individualize your student’s instruction is knowing their love language. If you’re unfamiliar with the 5 love languages, it states that there are 5 ways we give love and receive it. However, we “speak” different love languages, so when you know your child’s, then you can better communicate with them, affirming they are loved and listened to.
Here’s an example of how this applies to homeschool. My primary love language is “Affirmation” so I naturally affirm others with my words and like to receive encouragement and acknowledgement from others. On the other hand, one of my daughter’s main love languages is “Receiving Gifts”. That doesn’t mean she’s superficial and wants gifts all the time. She just wants to know that she’s thought of so doing little things like leaving little “love notes” for my girl when she wakes up brings her joy. Or if we’re having a rough morning, making her some pancakes with a funny face designed with fruit almost immediately diffuses the negative situation. With my simple “gift”, she felt loved and appreciated.
Or starting the school year with a few little gifts like cute stationary and a handwritten letter from me to her gets her excited for the first day of school.
And when she expresses her gift-giving to me, like creating a handmade gift for me but leaves a huge “creative” mess behind, then her love language allows me to accept with appreciation and kindly refer to the mess after the lovely moment has passed.
Those were just a few simple examples but if you would like to know more, you can have your child take the 5 Love Languages Quiz.
Mother Journal
An additional way to get to know your child is keeping a Mother Journal, which Miss Mason strongly encouraged. There, you can write any noticings such as what your child prospers in, what their struggles are and about their progress. You can include when the Holy Spirit spoke to their little hearts or used them to speak to us.
“Every mother, especially, should keep a diary in which to note the successive phases of her child’s physical, mental, and moral growth, with particular attention to the moral; so that parents may be enabled to make a timely forecast of their children’s character, to foster in them every germ of good, and by prompt precautions to suppress, or at least restrain, what is bad.” (Charlotte Mason, Vol 2)
Be intentional in taking the time to observe your child. Keep track of patterns, a particular need growing, what triggers them, or habits that need to be worked on. Taking notice of such things may help prevent something negative from fully developing by addressing it.
It can also help you meet the needs early on for their future. Do they take a particular interest in art, taking their time with painting details and observations? Do they express compassion for others in specific situations? Do certain books touch their hearts? Are they an advocate for others in times of perceived injustice? Sometimes, these moments are little windows into their future purpose and calling.
Knowing your child, assessing and recording observations of how your child learns, how they feel loved, and how they’re progressing helps you to individualize your child’s lessons and homeschool day to better fit who they are as a person. More importantly, it helps you in praying specifically for your child in countless ways.
7. Be Flexible
You can create the perfect curriculum or buy one, but nothing really matters without a change of mindset.
Instead of trying to imitate traditional school at your kitchen table, look at this time as an opportunity to spend quality time with your children; to hear their thoughts and know their heart. To snuggle up close with them as you read a beautiful book together and go on walks exploring nature. This is your moment to be intentional with your family and create an atmosphere of love and learning, not just a school. You can make your homeschool into whatever you envision, but that requires a lot of flexibility. I’ll break down a few ways you can start practicing being flexible.
School Hours
First, you do not need to do school from 8 am to 3 pm. Those hours in an American traditional school are in place because instructing classes of 20-30 children takes time. Think about it. Transporting an entire class to gym, lunch or the library takes a good 10 minutes, depending on how big a school is. Lessons with so many students can easily go overtime. Doing group lessons or group work takes time as well. Then there’s lunch, recess, and dismissal time. (If you’ve never been in the classroom as an adult, you’d be surprised to see how long it takes 30 kids to get their book bags ready, coats/jackets on, and all lined up QUIETLY ready to go.)
Now, it’s just you and your one (or handful of students). You can choose how long you want to homeschool or what days you want to do school or what time of the day. Most families homeschool in the morning, when attention is fresh. But there are families who homeschool in the afternoon for their own unique reasons (i.e. a parent works from home in the morning and homeschools in the afternoon). Some homeschool Tuesday-Saturday and others homeschool throughout the entire year with breaks in between. Homeschool gives you the freedom to do what works for your family.
Subjects
This is your first year homeschooling, correct? Well, do yourself a favor and ease into it. Do not fill up your day trying to do EVERY subject possible. Leave room for the grace I spoke about earlier.
Maybe for your first term or quarter, you tackle just a few subjects, and the following term, you can add another subject, depending on how well the transition is going.
If you have multiple school aged children, you can creatively teach across ages with lessons such as Family Read Alouds, Nature Study, Poetry, Artist Study, and the Bible (or other religious text according to your family’s beliefs). Of course, their understanding of the stories or lessons will differ, but the enjoyment will be the same. And the bonding that happens as you do school together is priceless!
Short Lessons
Lessons don’t need to be long and drawn out with a lot of teacher talk. As a matter of fact, Miss Mason said to be weary of talking too much:
“I can think of two sure-fire ways to guarantee carelessness in a class. One is a teacher who constantly lectures and won’t stop talking. We all know someone in person who bores everyone by always explaining and clarifying. What makes us think that children aren’t just as bored by that? They try to tell us that with their wandering eyes, listless expressions and fidgeting hands. They’re using every communicative aspect of their body language to tell us, and kindly adults simply assume that it means the children just want to play or go outside. But it isn’t play they need; they only need to play some of the time. What they really need is knowledge expressed in literary language. The chatter of their smiling, pleasant teacher leaves them cold.” (Charlotte Mason, Vol 6)
Don’t fear they won’t learn as much. Lectures and long lessons don’t guarantee learning. It has an opposite effect because students often stop paying attention or only give partial attention. Short lessons help with the habit of attention and prevents boredom. Less is actually more.
A 30 minute math lesson for a 7 year old child is just too much. Again, less is more. Lesson time gradually increases as they get older. Not everything needs to be covered at once.
Teacher’s Assistant: The Timer
If you use a visible timer (not your phone but one that your student sees), it keep both you and your student accountable to the short lesson. I promise you, if you’re consistent with using the timer, it’ll become the best teacher’s assistant you could have in your homeschool!
Scheduling
Create your own schedule that works for your family dynamic. Some families start homeschooling right after breakfast while others start school during breakfast (i.e. poetry, literature, etc…) It’s totally up to you and it’ll most likely be trial and error. One may work well for some time but then changes throughout the year may have you revamp your schedule.
Keep in mind when you’re scheduling not to put subjects back to back that require similar types of thinking. For example, you may want to separate literature and math with art or fitness. A change is as good as a break, as my friend, Mariana, always says. Speaking of which, make sure to include a 15 minute play time somewhere in your schedule so your student can return to the lessons refreshed and ready to give their best.
A Delectable Education sell wonderful scheduling cards that are super helpful for just $5.
If you have a child who likes to know what’s happening or appreciates being included in the planning process, maybe consider having them be part of your planning.
My daughter resisted me A LOT in our lessons until:
- I created a schedule she had access to throughout the day (like on a clipboard)
- She helped me plan out her day (I selected the subjects and she placed them in the order she wanted)
You totally don’t have to do this, especially if your student has a “go with the flow” type of personality. But for our homeschool at the time, it’s what I needed to do with my girl to help her transition into homeschooling. Now, I plan our schedule alone, always keeping her needs in mind, and she is receptive to it.
If you need help in this area, my dear friend and mentor, Min Hwang, has an awesome editable planning tool for grades 1-8 and another planning tool for high school.
Here’s a sample of my daughter’s 6th grade tracker but please remember, every homeschool is unique so this is the schedule that meets us where we’re presently at:
8. Join Homeschool Groups
Whether your child is an extrovert or introvert, they are in need of some form of social interaction outside of the home. You will also need support from other homeschooling parents with experience. Joining homeschool support groups, co-ops, extracurricular activities or informal groups that meet up weekly at the park help tremendously. I get that it’s hard to find CM co-ops but if you come across a co-op with similar values or approach, it might be worth looking into.
Create Your Own Group
What if there are no groups around or there aren’t any groups you’re interested in joining? Then start your own!
That was one of my very first lessons in homeschooling. I wanted my daughter to be in specific groups, like an art group or a book club, but there weren’t any so in time, I created my own.
It may sound intimidating to start your own groups, but as you pray for wisdom and discernment, you also pray for provision and creativity.
God knows the desires of your heart and He loves your child more than you do. He will always provide what they need. I can’t tell you how many times God has provided an artist who I could work with for an art club or a facility to meet up at for free. Or when He brought me a group of homeschooling friends who wanted to read children’s literature together so I could finally have a book club. He even provided Nature Clubs for us to participate in and when a mom stepped down from managing one of them, I stepped into that role so my daughter would keep having opportunities to be with other children on a weekly basis exploring nature together.
If it’s in your heart to stay true to a CM philosophy, then you can have an informal group with other CM moms like I did. Although our children differ in ages, we chose subjects to study together once a week that wasn’t as age specific such as:
- Picture Study
- Composer Study
- Singing
- Dance
- Swedish Drill (fitness)
- Art
- Handicrafts
- Nature Study
- Geography
- Literature (like reading a great read aloud or doing a Shakespeare play together).
If you’re the only CM mom in your local area, you can still take a similar approach because most homeschooling parents are interested in Nature Study, Literature, or the arts, even if they don’t follow Miss Mason’s philosophy. You can follow the method informally so it can have a more inclusive atmosphere and provide the fellowship your child needs.
For more ideas, including for teens, you can check out my post on “Socialization Within Homeschooling: Ideas for Group Interactions“.
9. Don’t Compare
Almost certainly, the most common questions you will be asked are : “How do you homeschool?” or “What curriculum do you use?”
My first year of home education, many of the homeschooling families around me spent a lot of time at home while we were outdoors often. Some families used a complete curriculum while my daughter and I were doing most of our learning straight from a book. I found myself nicely justifying why I was creating my own “curriculum”. Quite honestly, I felt like an oddball. (This was obviously before I found the Charlotte Mason philosophy where most subjects are taught through the use of *Living Books.)
I had to continually remind myself of our family vision and be intentional in not comparing our homeschool with others. I knew I shouldn’t compare. I’m the one who tells my daughter every so often: It’s not okay to compare but it’s great to be inspired. It’s just unbelievable how comparison is such a strong (and annoying) human trait embedded deep within me. With all our struggles the first two years, the LAST thing I needed to be doing was comparing our unique situation with that of others.
So now I tell you the same thing. It’s okay to be inspired by how others do school, but remember YOUR vision for YOUR family. Keep in mind that the individual needs of your homeschool are unique as are your family dynamics and student(s). This is why referring to your homeschool vision is important. It’ll help prevent comparisons and insecurities as well as keep you in the right direction. Plus, you don’t want comparison stealing the joy and beauty homeschooling your child brings.
10. Rely on the Holy Spirit
Despite all my experience as a professional teacher and despite my daughter’s love for learning, homeschooling was one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced. I prepped all I could and created my own curriculum, but our home lacked consistent peace. It wasn’t until I started submitting to the Holy Spirit that things started to change for the better.
“All our teaching of children should be given reverently, with the humble sense that we are invited in this matter to co-operate with the Holy Spirit; but it should be given dutifully and diligently” (Charlotte Mason, Vol 2).
“…here is the great recognition which the educator is called upon to make. God, the Holy Spirit, is Himself the supreme Educator of mankind.” (Charlotte Mason, Vol 2)
Dependence on the Holy Spirit made all the difference for me. He is the one who teaches my child. I’m just the “assistant” teacher. Therefore, I am not messing up my child’s education and my first year of transition was not a wasted one.
Remove those chains that others may have placed on you. Maybe you put on your own shackles, like I did. Yes, you will make mistakes. You may even shed a tear or two. Learning curves are never easy. They can be frustrating and annoying and disappointing. But you can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives you strength. Lean on Him. Listen to Him and LET Him be the Supreme Educator of your homeschool.
I pray this calms any heart out there that may be feeling inadequate or fearful of transitioning their child from traditional school to homeschool.
You’re not alone. God has you. He has your children. When you really think about it, they’re His anyway. We are but mere stewards of them.
Additional Resources
We’re also here to help as much as we can.
For those who are interested in more concrete resources for homeschooling the Charlotte Mason way, Min Hwang’s PLANNING PAGE is an amazing guide as well as her Language Arts Overview.
I also have a few posts that may be helpful such as how to choose Living Books and implementing Diverse History Lessons along with Multicultural Book Lists.
If you have any questions or other helpful tips, please feel free to comment below.
Remember, Only YOU can do this. Now go and walk in that confidence!
*Living Books- quality, narrative writing that brings a subject to life
I like how you started with number 1, asking for guidance. True, this is a major decision that needs time and discerning. The transition to homeschooling is not easy, either.
Thank you! It sure isn’t easy, but definitely worth it!