Homeschooling an Only Child- Part 1: The Shame of “an Only” -

Homeschooling an Only Child
Part 1: The Shame of an "Only"

“The work of a mother is hard
regardless of how many children you have.”
-Anonymous

It’s no secret that the homeschooling community is bursting with growing families. I often come across families with multiple children, generally ranging from 2-6 kids. For my daughter, the more, the merrier. For me, it’d leave me with a sense of inadequacy.

I mean, how could I not feel inadequate when so many moms were working tirelessly with their 6 children and here I was, struggling with just 1.

“Just 1.”

That’s what I would often answer new moms when they asked the natural question: “How many kids do you have?” Just 1.

Well, one evening at our Charlotte Mason (CM) book club, I was getting to know a new member of our group. This new mama has 2 young sons and at the time, was expecting her third. She is very sweet and soft-spoken, and married to a pastor, like me. She wanted to start homeschooling her oldest using a CM philosophy. I had just gotten back from a CM conference and was sharing with her all about it. She quietly listened, taking it all in. At one point, I started to tell her how many of the moms had like 8-10 kids and there I was with “just 1” when suddenly she interrupted me with these words:

“Don’t be ashamed of having one child. The love and care you put in with one child is the same as with three. The work of a mother is hard regardless of how many children you have.”

I was silent for a moment. There are times I don’t know when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me and then there are times I hear Him loud and clear. This was one of those “audible” moments.

I thanked her for her words of encouragement and kept talking about the conference. Still, her words stayed with me. Ashamed? Was I really ashamed? I hadn’t thought of it in that way. But she was absolutely right. I was ashamed. Deep in my heart, it felt like my work with “just 1” was somehow easier and less than in comparison with families of multiple children.

I asked the Lord for forgiveness, not wanting to ever take for granted the blessing of homeschooling my only child. She was, and always will be, my answered prayer, my dream come true after many years of waiting for her arrival. Homeschooling her, with all of its challenges, is a privilege and the answer to a prayer I never prayed but was God’s will.

Nonetheless, my struggles as a mom of one child were validated by another mama’s gentle reproach. My challenges were very much real, as real as those of a mother of multiple children. They’re just different.

For anyone reading this who may be feeling the same way I felt, I want you to know this: Your work with your “only” is just as important, just as hard, just as rewarding as that of a mother of 10 children.

This is Kingdom work, one of legacy
and you’re leaving a handprint on
history with your one child.

Be encouraged with that truth today!

In Part 2, I’ll share some of the struggles of homeschooling an only child as well as give ideas for group interactions.