GUEST POST: My beautiful niece, Natasha, bares her heart as she shares her hair journey & learning to embrace the beauty of her natural hair.
My Hair Journey Series:
Part 1: Learning to Love
All of Me
by Natasha Sánchez
"This journey to loving me and my hair
has been worth all of the growing pains."
~ Natasha Sánchez
I was seventeen when I made the decision to stop relaxing and blowing out my hair. The Dominican hair salon had become my home-away-from-home for almost nine years. Countless Sundays I was dropped off to wait my turn for a wash and blowout – every four-to-five months, I would come in for a relaxer. I spent so much time there, I had come to know many of the women and girls who entered that hazy salon. But after years of chemical and heat damage, my hair was drying out. With the urging of my parents, I finally made the decision to stop straightening my hair. I wish I could say that this decision was also the precise moment when I began loving my hair – but it wasn’t. That process would take a few more months of wrestling with my own distorted self-image, a chance encounter with a brutally honest hairstylist, and a hair intervention staged by my parents.
Longing to Be Truly "Seen"
At age fourteen, my family and I had moved to a small town out in Suffolk County, Long Island. I was starting my freshman year at a school where everyone knew each other since diapers, where their parents and grandparents grew up, and no one ever really left or moved too far away. Most of the people were nice but it was clear that I was an outsider. Out of a school with 1,200 students, I was one of two Black girls in my grade and a total of five of us in the entire school. While I had a somewhat typical suburban high school experience, there were moments that made it apparent to me and to others that I was far from the norm.
Over my four years of high school, I had classmates refer to my hair as “the mop.” Apparently, some classmates felt my thick, curly tendrils resembled the thick, coarse mass of yarn used to clean floors. My hair had also become a game to a group of boys in my Physics class. They would compete against each other, throwing small wads of paper and attempting to stick pens and pencils in my hair, waiting to see how many they could fit in my mass of curls before I finally felt it. There were numerous occasions when I had not noticed until I sat up to leave and could hear the clattering of pens and pencils as they fell from my coils. The worst was when a friend or classmate later in the day would tell me and extricate the items for me. It was incredibly embarrassing and beyond frustrating. It was not until I got to college that I finally learned the word for these experiences: microagressions.
This teasing, coupled with the constant barrage of images of women with straight hair in movies, TV and in magazines, made me long for different hair. Hair that would make me beautiful, that would make me feel seen. The type of visibility that made you feel important and not the type I had always experienced – that awkward-outsider type of seen. I knew that not all of the women on screen had naturally straight hair; some had their hair altered via chemicals, heat, wigs and weaves. That did not matter to me. I just wanted what they had. Taming my hair pushed me one step closer to being “normal” in a community where I stuck out amongst my fair-skinned, light-eyed, and straight-haired peers.
After I had made the decision to stop straightening my hair, I struggled to style my hair in its natural state. The local pharmacies and supermarkets only sold products like LA Looks gel and Got2Be mousse. As a result, those were the products I used in my hair. When my hair was at its worst, rather than finding alternative products that were hydrating, I simply slicked back my hair into buns and pony tails, using so much gel and mousse, my hair was as hard as a rock. I did this for months and no matter how hard I tried, my hair would not cooperate.
It was in the spring of my senior year that I had the opportunity to participate in a fashion show to raise money for charity. The show was run by the salon where a neighbor worked at and as a participant, I would get my hair and makeup done for free. One of the stylists, a Puerto Rican man, was assigned to style my hair because he had years of experience working with clients with textured hair. What was supposed to be a trim, ended up being a full-blown haircut because my hair had been so damaged from the years of chemical and heat straightening, as well as the drugstore hair products. I did not realize that those commercial products contained so much alcohol which caused even more dryness. The stylist was brutally honest with me about the damage that I had done to my hair and urged me to throw out my current “garbage” products and purchase better products intended for my hair. He gave me recommendations such as Mixed Chicks, Miss Jessie’s, Carol’s Daughters, and Jane Carter Solution. Despite his help, I walked away from the experience feeling even worse about myself, my looks, and my hair.
Breakthrough
Coming home that night from the event, my parents could tell I was upset. After begrudgingly confiding in them about my encounter, they attempted to cheer me up. Agreeing with the stylist about needing to find better products, they took me numerous stores the following day to purchase some of the recommendations. Hours later, I washed and styled my hair with one of the recommended brands and absolutely hated the outcome. I thought my curls were too frizzy and I felt ugly. I was deeply worried that I would get laughed at and teased even worse during school the following Monday.
Teary-eyed, beyond frustrated and dejected, I showed the results to my parents. I did not anticipate their reaction. I was expecting them to agree with me but they were amazed by how my curls looked. According to them, my curls were hydrated, defined and voluminous. Despite their awe at how great my hair looked, I could not let myself believe them. I felt they were simply telling me I looked good out of parental obligation. No matter how much urging they did, I could not see what they saw. It took hours of coaxing until they forced me to look at pictures they took of my hair from all angles to show me what they saw. The change in perspective pulled me out of that deep hole of self-loathing and I was able to see my hair for what it was – beautiful.
It took a few more weeks of me easing my way into wearing my natural hair out before I finally made the decision to set my curls free from the constraints of the ponytails and buns. Once I did, I received so many compliments. Of course, there were classmates who made sly comments about “the mop” or would tell me how they missed my straight hair but I ignored them. By the time the senior yearbook “best of” categories were announced, I had been, surprisingly, a pretty popular nomination for “Best Hair.” I was up against a classmate with pin straight blonde hair – your quintessential Marsha Brady straight, glossy, blonde hair. It felt pretty good to be nominated and as votes were being tallied, people that I rarely spoke to in the four years I had been at the school would tell me they voted for me. Unsurprisingly, I lost to my classmate. To me it was never about winning – mostly,
because I knew I would lose. I could not expect the town to change its mentality in just a few short months. However, I was excited at finally being recognized and celebrated for showing the world my true self.
I brought this newfound love and acceptance with me to college. It was at that time that hair, particularly natural hair, became a focal point in the news, in pop culture, fashion and even in children’s television and toys. I remember the day Sesame Street released their “I Love My Hair” skit. It was my freshman year of college and I was in my dorm room scrolling through Facebook in between classes. One of my friends had posted about how deeply moving the Sesame Street video was and shared it on her page. Although the show was clearly intended for children, it moved me and countless others to tears. It took me seventeen years to love my hair. Watching that video made me wonder how different my four years of high school would have been had I been told by the larger society that me and my hair were important, that we were beautiful, and that we mattered. Watching that video made me hopeful for the future generation – that a child watching that video, singing along to those words, would not have to wait seventeen years (or longer) to love themselves because they already do.
Tips on Healthy Curls
After graduating college, I ventured into making my own hair products using natural oils and butters – oils like coconut oil, jojoba oil, moringa oil, castor oil and butters such as shea butter and mango butter. I would even add a few drops of my favorite essential oils to give my products a nice scent. If I wanted to create a natural gel for hold, I’d make my own flaxseed gel (which is simply boiling 2 tablespoons of flaxseed in 2 cups of water and then letting it cool until it turns thick and jelly-like). These super simple, healthy and natural products were effective in keeping my curls defined and it smelled really good, too.
Although I have since stopped making my own hair products due to lack of time, I am still very cognizant of the products I use. I follow the curly girl method by avoiding parabens, silicones, and sulfates (visit naturallycurly.com to learn more about the curly girl method and other useful information). I rarely use heat on my hair, I sleep on a satin pillowcase every night, and I dry my hair with cotton t-shirts or microfiber towels instead of your standard cotton bath towels. I wash with a non-lathering shampoo (sometimes called a co-wash) once a week, I clarify every other week with a lathering shampoo, and I make it a habit of deep conditioning for at least 30 minutes once a week. Depending on the length of my hair or if it’s been color-treated, I may need to add additional steps in my weekly routine. Taking care of my hair is truly a labor of love and so incredibly rewarding. I found that in taking the time to treat my hair well, I’m also supporting my mental and emotional well-being.
Now, at the age of 28, I have truly learned to love my hair. That’s not to say that I love what it looks like every day. I still have days when I feel my hair has a life of its own and it won’t cooperate. But I’ve fully embraced all that my hair is and I’ve even experimented with different colors, lengths and hairstyles. The irony in my journey to learning how to love my hair is that I have learned to be a little bold and daring with it, as well. I’ve played with different hair colors, shapes and lengths. If I get bored, I’ll go to the salon and get it cut or change the color. My hair has taught me so much about myself and it forced me to embrace me for all that I am. I also no longer feel bound to my hair in the same way I did in high school. I no longer feel like my hair defines me or gives me worth. I define myself and I give myself worth – my hair is simply one mechanism of showing the world how I feel about me. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll shave it all off?
If you had asked 17-year-old me what my hair would look like and how I would feel about it, I would have never imagined these past 11 years would lead me here. This journey to loving me and my hair has been worth all of the growing pains. I hope that in telling my story, I can help make someone else’s journey to self-love a whole lot easier.
Black & Brown Women Founded
and/or Owned Curly Products
I Recommend:
I’ve highlighted below some hair products that are easily accessible in most stores. I added an asterisk to the products that weren’t fully curly girl-friendly but were still pretty good. Everyone’s hair is different so it’s up to the individual person to decide whether they want to fully follow the curly-girl method, choose products that work fine for their hair or go with choices that are more affordable.
As I Am – found online or at some drug stores
Bounce Curl – found online
Camille Rose* – found online, at target, as well as many drug & beauty supply stores
Carol’s Daughters – found online, at target, as well as many drug & beauty supply stores
Curl Mix* – found online
CURLS – found online, at target, as well as many drug & beauty supply stores
Honey Baby Naturals – found online & at most drug stores
Kinky-Curly – found online & at some drug stores
Mielle Organics – found online & at many drug stores
Miss Jessie’s* – found online & at some drug stores
Mixed Chicks* – found online & at many drug stores
Rizos Curls – found online, at Target & Ulta
Shea Moisture – found online, target, as well as at many drug & beauty supply stores
Uncle Funky’s Daughter – found online as well as at many drug & beauty supply stores
Unscented Curly Hair Products:
Curl Mix* – found online
JessiCurl – found online
Seen – found online & at Ulta
Drug Store Curly Brands:
Cantu* – found at most drug stores
Maui Moisture – found at most drug stores
Not your Mother’s – found at most drug stores & at Ulta
*Not all products are paraben, silicone and sulfate free
About the Author
Natasha Sánchez lives and works in Boston, Massachusetts. With over a decade of healthcare experience, Natasha is passionate about history, public health, and the creative arts. Natasha enjoys immersing herself in reading, taking trips to local art galleries and museums, and watching films. Throughout the years, she has dedicated her work to improving the health and wellness of children, adolescents and their families. Most recently, she graduated from Boston University with a Masters of Public Health and began working with the aging population to ensure that those 65+ have equal and affordable access to high quality healthcare.
Natasha is a life-long learner and a firm believer that knowledge is power.
Natasha, I can relate SO much to your journey, and I just love hearing about where you are now and the ups and downs that you experienced along the way. I think so many girls and women (young and old!) will be helped by your story. Thank you!
Oh, Amber! Thank you so much for affirming Natasha’s story with yours! It’s so appreciated!
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